10 August, 2007

Birdie Num Num

Tabloid report of the day (click and scroll down):

A little birdie tells us that Smita Thackeray is a regular at the J W Marriott pool along with Rajveer Dutt, the hero of her film Kaisey Kahein. Apparently, she arrives with a battery of security men who stand around the pool as the duo splash about, making it incredibly uncomfortable for the other patrons.

And if that isn’t enough to grab everyone’s attention, Thackeray’s swimsuit certainly does. We hear it’s nothing short of a scuba diva suit and goes all the way to her ankles! Yikes!

I love the language these tabloid reporters use. But what if the Thackerays don’t get it? I can just imagine Balasaheb telling his goons to go and find the little birdie involved, and the goons looking up and scanning the sky in bewilderment.

Indeed, if all this happened in the delightful Sony serial, CID, Shivaji Satam would no doubt turn to his boys and say, “Fredericks, shahar mein jitne bhi birdie hai, un sab ko yahaan le aao.” And then Fredericks would go off, catch some nubile nymphet on the street, and say, ”Kya aapne yaahan kisi birdie ko dekha hai?” And she would look nervous and say, ”Nahin tho.” And then a “cheep-cheep” noise would come from her purse and that other tall CID fellow would bark at the nymphet, ”Yeh aapke purse mein kya hai?”

Cut to the CID office, where Shivaji Satam, one eyebrow raised—indeed, attached to the ceiling by a transparent thread—is asking her: ”Ms Nymphet, aapka birdie Smita Thackeray ka peechha kyun karta hai? Zaroor isme kuchh raaz chhipa hua hai.”

Yes, yes, I know—if the tabloids don’t drive you insane, television will.

Update: Shortly after putting up this post I was watching TV, and CID was on. This classic line came:

Yeh laash naqli hai.

Words escape me. I will follow.