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About Amit Varma

Amit Varma is a writer based in Mumbai. He worked in journalism for over a decade, and won the Bastiat Prize for Journalism in 2007. His bestselling novel, My Friend Sancho, was published in 2009. He is best known for his blog, India Uncut. His current project is a non-fiction book about the lack of personal and economic freedoms in post-Independence India.




Bastiat Prize 2007 Winner

Recent entries

Good Night, Pappu

This is the second of two limericks in the 10th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks…

Mosquitoes As Big As A Bus

This is the first of two limericks in the 10th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks…

Two States

This is the 9th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India…

The Impresario and the Intellectual

This is the 8th installment of Rhyme and Reason, my weekly set of limericks for the Sunday Times of India…

That Gender Card Again

Swarajya plays the gender card on behalf of Smriti Irani: The jokes on Smriti being handed textiles ministry, misunderstanding it…

12 December, 2008

Papaya As Contraceptive

If Mahinder Watsa did not exist, we would have to invent him. Who else could get so many thousands of people to display their utter ignorance of sexual matters? Consider this question on Ask The Sexpert:

I indulged in unsafe sex on the ninth day of my period cycle. My friends asked me to have papaya to avoid pregnancy, which I did. Now, I am waiting for my periods. Should I take any other precaution? Please help.

Mr Watsa, naturally, sagely answered that papaya does not help in these matters. This reminds me of a chappie I knew in junior college who was just discovering his sexuality at the late age of 16. One day he called me and said, “Amit, I have a question to ask.”

“Go ahead,” I said seriously. “If it is within my domain of expertise, I shall do my best to answer.”

“Amit, here’s what I want to ask. How does one, um, how does one, ah, how does one, eh, [whispers] masturbate?”

I scratched my chin. What to say to this now? I decided to mess with him.

“Oh, that’s easy,” I said. “Just catch the tip and squeeze it hard.”

“Thank you, Amit! Thank you!”

I went back to whatever I was doing, and half an hour later he calls me again.

“Amit, there’s a problem.”

“What happened?”

“I followed your instructions but, ah, but, er, [whispers] it’s hurting.”

So there you go. If this was to happen today, the dude would promptly write a letter to Mahinder Watsa, and Mr Watsa would, in all seriousness, proceed to explain how one masturbates.

Oh, wait.

Earlier posts on Mr Watsa: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.

Posted by Amit Varma in Personal | WTF

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