Letters

Dear Shah Rukh Khan

Dear Shah Rukh Khan

A recent tweet of yours recycles Pascal’s Wager as a joke. I would urge you to read this response to it. And this one.

You might say in reply that hey, you pray, and consequently many good things have happened to you. But the causation is flawed. Your success is a combination of luck and hard work—as all success is. Other people also pray as much as you, and have achieved nowhere near your level of success. Indeed, poor people probably pray more than rich dudes. But if there is a god, she clearly doesn’t believe in bribery and ass-licking.

Regards

Amit Varma

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Link via a tweet from @Twivani. More open letters here.

Dear P Chidambaram

Dear P Chidambaram

A newspaper report today states that you are willing “to drop all cases against Telangana activists booked since November 29.” Many of these ‘activists’ were booked for rioting and damaging public and private property. Now, for political purposes, you wish to drop charges.

I don’t get it. For the rule of law to mean anything, surely the law must take its course. Even you, as the home minister, cannot be above the constitution. How then can you justify this move?

I’m not even getting into the bad precedent set by your succumbing to blackmail and gundagardi. Already the Gorkha Janamukti Morcha has announced “an indefinite hunger strike.” Who knows where this will end?

Regards

Amit Varma

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More open letters here. Also read: “Mobs are Above the Law.”

Dear Bal Thackeray

Dear Bal Thackeray

I read your diatribe against “the Marathi manoos” yesterday with great interest. I have two points to make:

One: You say that the Marathi manoos stabbed you in the back. You are wrong. They stabbed you in the front. Could the election results be any clearer?

Two: Has it ever struck you how limiting the term ‘Marathi manoos’ is? There are many markers of identity for a Maharashtrian person, and Marathiness is just one of them. A Marathi person could also be a cosmopolitan Indian, a secular humanist, a death-metal fan and an India Uncut reader. We all contain multitudes. By trying to reduce people to just one of these, or by insisting on its primacy, you insult them. You might be hurt that so many Marathi people have not voted for you—but I am surprised that so many have.

That said, even if your party has lost ground, your brand of politics is still alive and kicking. Many of the manoos who stabbed you in the front went and embraced your nephew Raj, who is a true heir to the Shiv Sena’s divisive legacy. Congratulations.

Regards

Amit Varma

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More open letters here.

Dear Kapil Sibal

Dear Mr Sibal

I have always thought that the IITs are the glowing successes of India’s educational system. Equally, I believe that the regular schooling system, including the Class X and Class XII boards, are #FAIL.

That is why I am rather surprised at your ministry’s proposal that it be mandatory for IIT entrants to score at least 80% in their Class XII board exams. They already have to work hard enough for the JEE, which seems to have served its purpose for generations now. Why add to their stress?

It’s been reported that your reason for doing this is “to squeeze out the hundreds of coaching institutes who thrive by selling hope to unrealistic aspirants.” But why do those coaching institutes exist in the first place? It is because students find the existing education system to be inadequate. So why not fix that first? The coaching institutes won’t have a reason to exist then.

You must have heard of that old cliché, If it ain’t broken, don’t fix it. Mr Sibal, what you’re trying to fix ain’t broken. Yet.

Regards

Amit Varma

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More open letters here. And some essays by me on our education system:

Our Unlucky Children.
Fund Schooling, Not Schools.

Dear Rahul Gandhi

Dear Rahul Gandhi

You have been quoted today as saying that you don’t believe in caste. Bravo. That is a position I applaud.

May I then assume that you don’t believe in reservations also? After all, by discriminating on the basis of caste, reservations perpetuate the same kind of divisive thinking that the caste system did. They don’t solve the problem—they make it worse.

Regards

Amit Varma

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Link via @iyerdeepak. More open letters here.

Dear VS Ugrappa

Dear VS Ugrappa

Deccan Herald reports that, in your capacity as leader of the Opposition in Karnataka’s Legislative Council, you have demanded that the government provides you with a Nissan X-Trail car for your use, which will cost the taxpayers Rs 25 lakhs. To justify this demand, you have said: “All I want is a diesel car which gives maximum mileage so that I can save on fuel.”

Sir, I applaud your sentiment, and I have a suggestion for you: ask for a Tata Indica instead. Diesel is there, and mileage is better.

Regards

Amit Varma

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Link via email from Sreekanth Menon. More open letters here.

Dear Sheikh Muhammad al-Habadan

Dear Sheikh Muhammad al-Habadan

BBC reports that you have recently called on women in Saudi Arabia to “wear a full veil, or niqab, that reveals only one eye.” You say that “showing both eyes encourage[s] women to use eye make-up to look seductive.”

I believe, sir, that showing only one eye will make matters worse. You see, whenever a woman and a man are together and the woman blinks, the man might think that she is winking. Is the hidden eye open or closed? If it is assumed to be normally open, then a momentary closing of the visible eye could be assumed to be a wink. If it is assumed to be normally closed, then the woman may be considered to be perpetually winking, which is equally problematic.

I have an alternative solution to your problem. I suggest that you introduce veils for men that cover both their eyes. That way it will make no difference if the women are winking, blinking or, heaven forbid, naked.

Good idea, no? You’re welcome.

Regards

Amit Varma

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Link via email from Chandoo. More open letters here.

Dear Sachin Pilot

Dear Sachin Pilot

DNA has quoted you today as saying that Rahul Gandhi will be prime minister of India “sooner or later.” In the same article, you have spoken of how, under Gandhi’s leadership, the Youth Congress and the NSUI have become “professionally-run organisations where merit will count.” You have said, “There are no favourites in this system.”

Are you familiar with the term ‘cognitive dissonance’?

Regards

Amit Varma

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More open letters here.

Dear Mumbai Malls

Dear Mumbai Malls

I enjoy visiting you, and I support your new initiatives to tighten security in the wake of recent terrorist attacks. I don’t mind being frisked or having my bag checked: the few extra seconds we all wait individually are worth the collective safety we gain.

But why do you think that terrorists enter only from front entrances?

If someone drives into the parking lot and takes the lift up to the mall, there is no check on him at all. He could walk in holding a bazooka, with bombs strapped to his body and grenades in all his pockets. All the security guards are busy at the front entrance.

I know even a pretense of security can act as a deterrent. But terrorists aren’t stupid, and there’s no pretense in the destruction they try to cause. So, as Amitabh Bachchan would say on KBC, ‘please take good care of yourself’.

Regards

Amit Varma

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Hat tip for this observation: Ulrik. More open letters here.