Holding Bowels

Just when I think I’ve seen it all, pop comes a Q&A from Mahinder Watsa’s Ask The Sexpert column which blows my mind. Consider this one:

Q. When it comes to sex, my partner allows me to use only a finger for just a few seconds. Please tell me why. Also, when I hold my bowels for too long, my testicles swell and hurt. What could be the reason for this?

A. She is probably scared of your intentions — pregnancy or an infection. Why not ask her? And, do you mean ‘balls’? Bowels refers to the intestines. Why would you want to hold them? Please explain.

Somehow this reminds me of the friend I mentioned in this post. Somebody must have given the dude who sent this question some immensely dubious gyan on sex. What could it be?

This also reminds me of the time when I was in the fourth or fifth standard in school—I went to a boy’s school—and this kid asked me, What do womens’ breasts look like?

They’re totally smooth all the way around, I fibbed. Girls don’t have nipples.


A couple of months later, the dude must have seen his first pondy film or something. He rushed over to me and said, You lied to me! You lied to me! They have nipples!

And that’s, like, totally the best line ever. No?

Earlier posts on Mr Watsa: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.