Dooce links to a hilarious instruction manual for parents that uses a series of illustrations to lay out Dos and Donts of handling babies. My favourites:
The second one would be relevant to me if I was a parent, I suspect. Check out the rest of these images at makememinimal.com—and if it all seems like too much work, just use protection.
(Dooce link via email from Shrabonti.)