It seems that APJ Abdul Kalam is unlikely to be re-elected India’s president, so this is an appropriate time to suggest a successor. My candidate is the Indian Mango.
I ate a Mango a couple of hours ago, and it was immensely refreshing. Most importantly, it did nothing that would be inappropriate for the president’s office. Indeed, the Mango has many qualifications that make it ideal for that exalted post, and I list some of them here:
1. Mangoes do not write poetry.
2. Mangoes do not want to waste taxpayers’ money to put Indians on Mars.
3. Mangoes will not try to keep themselves out of the scope of the RTI, despite getting a salary from taxpayers’ money.
4. Mangoes will not make the news for trivial reasons, and will stay away from celebrityhood.
5. Mangoes will not have hairstyles.
And so on. You do realize that I can keep adding to this list, I’m sure. It is quite clear to me, and I hope you agree, that the Mango should be our next president. What’s that? What did you say?
How dare you? Let me reiterate my motto of the day: Mangoes are people too.
Thank you. Do come for the inauguration.
Update: An anonymous reader writes in:
I disagree with your choice. Amartya Sen would make a better president. How will a mango carry out the duties of the office?
Update 2: Jim O’Neil writes in with a dramatic point of view that has made me think again about my endorsement. I reproduce his email below the fold: