06 January, 2009

India Uncut Is Nominated In The 2008 Weblog Awards

I’m pleased to inform you that India Uncut has been nominated in two categories at the 2008 Weblog Awards:

Best Asian Blog.
Best Political Coverage.

As far as I can tell, it is the only blog written out of India to be nominated in any category. It is also one of a handful of blogs nominated in more than one category. And will it win a prize? That’s in your hands, kind reader.

Wins are decided by voting, and readers are allowed to vote once every 24 hours, so if you enjoy reading India Uncut, go forth and vote. The category I have great hopes of is Best Asian Blog, so do vote there wholeheartedly. I’m most unlikely to win Best Political Coverage, where giants like Daily Kos, Townhall and Politico have also been nominated, but hell, we’re the world’s largest democracy, we know how to vote, so do vote there as well.

Interestingly, I seem to be the only nominee in that category writing about non-American politics, so I guess that’s an honour in itself. My posts on politics are here.

Posted at 10:55 AM by Amit Varma in Blogging | Personal

05 January, 2009

Buy Elections

Rediff reports on the Thirumangalam bye-elections:

For the people of this assembly seat in south Madurai, the poll process is more a ‘buy election’ than a bye-election. Nobody here talks on issues like price rise, power cuts and shabby roads. The only topic of discussion is ‘who is giving how much money and when?’

One voter admits to rediff.com that he received Rs 3000 for his vote. He expects more money to come his way, as there is still a week to go before the votes are cast.

Well, every election is really an exercise in buying voters. Either you can buy them with promises of good governance, better infrastructure, law & order and so on; or you can buy them with money and material goods. If the promises have no value, and both voters and politicians know that every promise is an empty one, then what’s a pragmatic voter to do? Take the money, of course. A self-perpetuating cycle duly begins, and there you have it, democracy at the grassroots.

(Link via email from Rajeev Mantri.)

Posted at 2:53 PM by Amit Varma in India | News | Politics | Small thoughts

Offensive Question Of The Day

Why sack them when you can use them for fuel?

(Second link via email from Udhay. And no, I’m not making fun of overweight people, but being, in a way, self-deprecatory. Much exercise is needed...)

Posted at 2:40 PM by Amit Varma in India | News | Personal

FIR

Here’s a short news piece that appeared today in The Times of India print edition (I couldn’t find it on their website) that I’m reproducing in full:

Pipe row: 20 ‘strip, rape’ HP woman

Shimla: At least 20 people allegedly stripped and raped a woman after a dispute over the laying of a water pipeline at Theog in Himachal on December 27. The group also allegedly thrashed the woman and her husband Bir Singh. Police denied the allegations of rape saying she did not mention it while recording her statement. Instead, an FIR has been registered against her husband for theft.

It’s hard to comment on the news when so little information is available. But I found it fascinating how just a one-paragraph news report can contain multitudes, not just in terms of the different stories that it hints at, but also in the way that it is written. No?

Posted at 2:29 PM by Amit Varma in India | News

Raj Thackeray vs Lashkar-e-Taiba

My good friend Prem Panicker puts it superbly on Twitter:

Oh wow. DNA meanwhile tells me Thackeray’s outfit has told city outlets not to sell music by Pak singers. That’s really getting tough.

We can’t touch Hafeez Saeed and Lakhwi and such so let’s put the screws on Ghulam Ali! I so love Raj Thackeray’s thought process.

The MNS’ bollywood wing boss Ameya Khopkar says shops who sell such music will be dealt with in the MNS way. For those who don’t know how:

Hide when the city is attacked. Wait a month, till you are sure all is safe. Then beat up people for selling books and music.

Twitter forces one to be concise, and you’d think that might be a problem for someone like Prem, who is famous for his detailed cricket reports, running on to many thousands of words. But those fed a certain need (of the far-off NRI hungry for every scrap of information); and these feed another. Prem’s Twitter updates are marvellous: always precise, always hard-hitting. He makes blogs seem so outdated—so 2008.

Posted at 2:12 PM by Amit Varma in India | Media | News | Politics

The Pundit (And Desi Pundit)

Two quick plugs:

1] Girish Shahane, who used to write a column for Time Out Mumbai, was one of my favourite Indian columnists, for his crisp insights and analysis of contemporary culture. I always wondered what kind of blog he would write—and now we’re going to find out. Girish has ended his column and begun a blog, Shoot First, Mumble Later, that I have very high expectations from. Watch that space.

2] Four years ago, I had the pleasure of welcoming Desi Pundit to life. It has now been reborn in a new avatar, which young Patrix elaborates on here. Once again, I wish them all the best. May a thousand blog posts bloom.

Posted at 2:00 PM by Amit Varma in Blogging | India | Media

04 January, 2009

“With whom do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

Stanley Fish tells us about how he called up AT&T to activate some services, and got the greeting above. At the end of the conversation:

… I couldn’t resist returning to the greeting, with its double and ungrammatical “with.” I explained that the second “with” was superfluous, as the second “to” would be if the offending question had been, “to whom am I speaking to?”, or the second “about” if the question had been “about what are you worrying about?”

Somehow that didn’t make much of an impression on her. She said that her instructions were to greet callers in that way and that she would continue to do so. I replied that it was scandalous that a multi-billion-dollar world-wide telecommunication corporation would order its employees to commit an egregious (and comical) grammatical error millions of times a day.

She said, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

I lost it. It has nothing to do with feelings, I ranted. It is a factual matter as to what is and is not syntactically correct.

Delightfully anal—and like so many interactions with call-center employees, completely futile. But Fish did get a column out of it, and that’s good.

*

Language snobbery can be immense fun, but it can also get tiresome to those on the receiving end of it. I recently wrote to a friend of mine, “Hopefully the publishing industry [in India] won’t be too badly affected by the economic downturn.” He wrote back to berate me for using “hopefully” instead of “I hope”, and said, “People should not say ‘Hopefully the weather will be good today’ when they actually mean ‘I hope the weather will be good today.’ I expected better from a professional writer.”

Well, I expected better from a language snob. This is actually a fashionable complaint, but an entirely baseless one. It cropped up in another discussion I was part of in an email group a couple of weeks ago, and I settled the matter by citing Merriam-Webster’s definition of the word:

2 : it is hoped : I hope : we hope <hopefully the rain will end soon>

usage In the 1960s the second sense of hopefully, which dates to the early 18th century and had been in fairly widespread use since at least the 1930s, underwent a surge in popularity. A surge of criticism followed in reaction, but the criticism took no account of the grammar of adverbs. Hopefully in its second sense is a member of a class of adverbs known as disjuncts. Disjuncts serve as a means by which the author or speaker can comment directly to the reader or hearer usually on the content of the sentence to which they are attached. Many other adverbs (as interestingly, frankly, clearly, luckily, unfortunately) are similarly used; most are so ordinary as to excite no comment or interest whatsoever. The second sense of hopefully is entirely standard.

So there it is. Hopefully you won’t ever try to explain to an AT&T call center worker what a disjunct is. Ok?

Posted at 12:05 AM by Amit Varma in Miscellaneous | Personal

03 January, 2009

Hello, Beloved

Mint reports:

The next time an Indian parliamentarian says in the House that a “communist” member of Parliament (MP) is up to his usual “tricks” in making a “boring” speech, the book could get thrown at him.

At least if Parliament decides to go by the book: in this case, the latest edition of Unparliamentary Expressions, a 900-page tome published by the Lok Sabha secretariat that governs speech in Parliament and also state legislatures.

“I did not know words such as ‘stern school master’, ‘unfortunate’, ‘shy’ and ‘stunt’ were unparliamentary until I read this book,” said a slightly confused Tathagata Satpathy, a Lok Sabha MP from Orissa. For good measure, the good book says even the word “confused” is somewhat unparliamentary.

[...]

For Rs850, the book tells you that one cannot be “ashamed” in Parliament and cannot address a lady presiding officer as “beloved”. Neither can one simply say “hello” to catch the chair or Speaker’s attention.

I’m dying to know which MP addressed which lady presiding officer as beloved. What context could there possibly be for that? And I can imagine an MP rising to his feet and shouting ”Hello” at the speaker. The speaker turns to him.

“You scoundrel fellow,” he says, “you dusht shaitan. Do you not know it is unparliamentary to say ‘hello’ to me?”

“Sir, I wasn’t saying ‘hello’ to you,” replies the MP. “I was merely answering my mobile phone. I’m on hands-free. And now if you’ll excuse me… Beloved, can you call later, please? I’m in parliament.”

*
A ToI report has more examples of this silliness, informing us that calling the president a “poor fellow” is not allowed. Considering that Pratibha Patil is our president, I don’t see why anyone would bother, but I guess every precaution must be taken. “Weed” is also an unparliamentary term, so I guess it’s a good thing that Matthew Hayden is not an Indian legislator.

(Links via separate emails from Gaurav and SK.)

Posted at 6:57 AM by Amit Varma in Dialogue | India | News | Politics | WTF

The Credit Crunch Gets Worse

Savita Bhabhi’s husband may get laid off. (Not laid.) Just imagine—he’ll be home all day then. What is she to do?

(Link via email from Anantha. More on Savita Bhabhi: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.)

Posted at 6:11 AM by Amit Varma in Miscellaneous

02 January, 2009

What Will Change Everything?

John Brockman poses the question:

What game-changing scientific ideas and developments do you expect to live to see?

Check out the answers, by some of the most interesting thinkers on the planet. Many of them may seem in the realm of science fiction—but had this question been asked in 1985, the internet and all the things we do in it would also have seemed unbelievable. Can we defeat mortality, as a couple of the respondents now discuss? Seems unlikely to me, especially at the rate I’m putting on weight, but who knows? 

Posted at 12:18 PM by Amit Varma in Miscellaneous

29 December, 2008

India Uncut Wishes You A Happy 2008

Yes, that’s right: 2008. There are still three days left in the year, and I’m not rushing to think of the new year yet. One day at a time. Let’s enjoy the 29th. Then the 30th. And then, though it lies well in the future, the 31st.

When that’s done and dusted, we’ll think of what’s to come.

What I mean to say, in this atypically roundabout manner, is that I’m taking a break and going traveling in the next three days, and no blogging will be done in this time. I have done less blogging this month than I do in an average week, so perhaps that hardly requires notice. But I shall be back to my furious best next month, posting 184 times a day as the nation stays glued to my thoughts, and the 24-hour news channels compete to cover my life, some even plotting to get me into a well somehow.

But all that’s in the future. Meanwhile, you have fun. Be as debauched as you want; hold nothing back. This is your last chance to show 2008, which has inflicted downturns and terrorist attacks and Ghajini on you, who’s really in charge.

Posted at 5:08 AM by Amit Varma in Personal

Taking A Stand

Joby Warrick of The Washington Post reports:

The Afghan chieftain looked older than his 60-odd years, and his bearded face bore the creases of a man burdened with duties as tribal patriarch and husband to four younger women. His visitor, a CIA officer, saw an opportunity, and reached into his bag for a small gift.

Four blue pills. Viagra.

“Take one of these. You’ll love it,” the officer said. Compliments of Uncle Sam.

The enticement worked. The officer, who described the encounter, returned four days later to an enthusiastic reception. The grinning chief offered up a bonanza of information about Taliban movements and supply routes—followed by a request for more pills.

For U.S. intelligence officials, this is how some crucial battles in Afghanistan are fought and won.

I can imagine what will happen if our intelligence networks hear of this. First, they will place a large order (with taxpayers’ money, of course) for many, many tons of Viagra. Then, just as field operatives are about to be handed strategic supplies, the chief of the bureau will raise a finger. “Wait,” he will say, “if these pills don’t work, or have side effects, they could turn out to be counterproductive for us. There is only way to make sure that they work as advertised.” He will pop a pill into his waiting mouth.

Ten minutes later, he will call his wife on her mobile phone, his hands vibrating with excitement as he holds his instrument.

“Darling,” he will say, “I am coming home in ten minutes. Be ready for me. Wear something nice.”

“Ok, I will wear my Patola sari. But why, what happened?”

“Duty calls!”

(Link via email from Arun Hiregange.)

Posted at 12:55 AM by Amit Varma in Dialogue | Miscellaneous | News

24 December, 2008

Comedy Vs Mortality

A few days ago, while researching for my chat with Manjula Padmanabhan, I came across an excellent speech she delivered at a Cartoon Congress held last month in Kathmandu. I especially liked this bit:

The common explanation for why humans laugh is that laughing and smiling relieve stress. But this only leads to another question: Why do humans have such a disproportionate need for stress-relief? My own view is that we, unlike other animals, are conscious of the inevitability of death. That knowledge places such a terrible burden of fear on our nervous systems that evolution has provided us with a solution – a hyperactive funny bone. I am sure that, given the option, most of us would have preferred something more substantial − immortality, for instance! But we were not given such a choice. So, this is what we are stuck with: jokes, cartoons, comedians and cartoonists, in exchange for being conscious of our mortality.

Some years ago, neurologists in the UK discovered that smiling had such a beneficial effect on the human nervous system that even a false smile − that is, merely stretching the mouth with the corners turned up – could have the same positive effect on our nervous system as a real smile. This works even when we are feeling gloomy. The point here is that political cartooning is a serious business, one that has a seriously positive role to play in human society. This may also explain why those of us who are employed by newspapers to make other people chuckle are quite often grumpy and bad-tempered in real life. Unlike many of our readers and employers, we are unusually conscious of the nastier facts of life. Our job is to make people smile in the face of the things that make all of us cry − death, destruction, disasters and ugly politicians.

This makes a cartoonist similar to a lion tamer − or, as I would put it, a demon tamer. Our profession requires us to live with the demon of mortality chained to our drawing boards. And every morning, we give it a poke in the ribs, make it stand up on the dining table and sing a silly song for our readers. But the demon does not much like this treatment, so it snarls, claws at us, and in general reminds us that in the end it will win.

I’d blogged four years ago, in the context of cricket, about the phenomenon of false smiles changing the way we actually feel—but in the long run, it’s surely just a temporary palliative. That demon isn’t going anywhere.

On that note, because I like my readers so very much, let me leave you with this beautiful song:

Posted at 7:11 PM by Amit Varma in Arts and entertainment | Miscellaneous

Noise And Signal

This is quite the WTF headline of the day:

Lok Sabha passes eight Bills in 17 minutes

This burst of productivity came about not due to our venerable MPs taking their jobs seriously, and suddenly becoming efficient, but because of the ‘din’ and ‘tumult’ in the house. As the ToI report puts it:

On Tuesday afternoon, when BJP MPs stormed the well rejecting the government’s statement on minority affairs minister AR Antulay’s demand that the shooting of ATS chief Hemant Karkare should be probed, the chair quickly took up pending legislation which had swelled to nine from the five listed at the start of the day.

[...]

The procedure adopted on Tuesday was quite irregular as MPs complained that additional bills, pushed in as the supplementary list of business, were not circulated, while legislation was not discussed at all. In fact, amid the tremendous din in the House, it was barely possible to track which bill had been passed expect by keeping an eye on the minister rising in response to the chair.

Speaker Somnath Chatterjee, who had conducted proceedings since the morning, was absent when the House met at 2pm and, as was the case on Monday, deputy Speaker Charanjit Atwal simply ignored the tumult and went ahead with the legislative business. As it became apparent that the government was moving bill after bill, enraged Left MPs rushed to the chair in protest.

Left MPs NN Krishnadas and Sunil Khan gesticulated at the chair demanding that the proceedings be halted until they were hauled back by CPM deputy leader Mohammed Salim. The Left MPs then stood in a group and tore copies of the bills in their possession and flung them around in order to underline the mockery of parliamentary practice. All along, BJP MPs kept up a steady chorus of anti-Antulay slogans. Some Congress MPs were seen hurling their underwear at the BJP MPs while ululating furiously.

Okay, I made that last sentence up. But given what came before, is it not plausible?

Allow me to remind you here that the taxpayer pays Rs 26,000 for every minute of parliament. Makes you want to ululate, no?

(Earlier posts on parliament: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.)

Posted at 6:19 PM by Amit Varma in India | News | Politics | WTF

23 December, 2008

Would You Like To Design A Book Cover?

As you know, my first novel “My Friend, Sancho” will be published by Hachette India in April 2009, and we’re getting it all together right now in terms of a final edit and production details. One of the areas I’m keen to get right is cover design. My publishers and I both felt that we needed a design that was different from the kind we see in our bookstores these days, and we thought of opening it up to a much larger pool of people than a publisher would usually have access to. And so, with the imagined sound of trumpets and applause in the background, Hachette India and India Uncut bring you:

The “My Friend, Sancho” Cover Design Competition

This is how it works: in the next few paragraphs, I shall share a synopsis of the book, and link to an excerpt that gives you a sense of the voice of the main character in the book. I shall also attach Hachette’s official design brief for the book. Based on that, you are invited to send in a cover design, or many if you want, for the book. If we choose to use one of them, you get Rs. 15,000 worth of Hachette books and cover credit.

(You may not have heard of Hachette before, but you would certainly have heard of many of the imprints it owns, such as Hodder, Orion, Octopus, Hamlyn, Little, Brown & Company, and Orbit. It’s the largest general books publisher in the UK, the second largest publisher in the world, and had more books in the New York Times bestseller list last year than any other publisher—so there’ll be much to choose from. Hachette has just launched in India, and “MFS” will be the first release of their local list. So if you win the prize, you will be bewildered by the choice of books available in their catalogues here.)

In case Hachette is unable to use any of the covers submitted, the first prize will not be awarded—but we will pick the design we like the most and award the designer Rs. 5000 worth of Hachette books, plus empanelment on Hachette’s roster of preferred designers. I’m hoping this doesn’t happen, and some kickass designs come in. Needless to say, I will carry all the designs I like on India Uncut, and link to the designer’s homepage wherever relevant.

And now, about the book: “My Friend, Sancho” is a love story set in Mumbai. Abir Ganguly, the protagonist, is a 23-year-old, cynical, wise-cracking journalist on the crime beat of a newspaper. He is asked by his editor to do a feature story on Mohammad Iqbal, a man killed in a police encounter. As research for the story, he meets Iqbal’s daughter, Muneeza. An unlikely friendship forms between them, but before it can become anything more, certain matters need closure.

The first chapter of the book is here (pdf link). It will give you a sense of the tone of the book, and the voice of the character. But the book develops into a love story, not the gritty thriller you might expect from that chapter.

My own brief: The cover I’m looking for should be one that reflects the playful, young tone of the book. It should attract attention from a distance without being loud or gaudy. It should be classy, so when you hold it, you feel like taking it home with you. It should be minimal—I hate clutter, and there shouldn’t be too many elements in there.

What images from the book can you use? Well, Abir and Muneeza have black coffee and iced tea together a couple of times, and those are possible images. They meet at the food court of a mall a few times—but I don’t fancy either of them being represented on the cover. There is also a talking lizard in the book, and he could make an appearance somewhere, perhaps curling onto the spine. Feel free to use something abstract—for now, I’m more interested in the feel being right than the image being representative.

Important point: This might be the first of a series of books, so you could begin with a design template that can be extended onto future books. One example in Indian bookstores is the series of Penguin hardbacks of Amitav Ghosh’s books—they’re clearly part of a series, they’re minimal, with just one strong visual for each cover, and they’re powerful. Of course, they’re grim and convey gravitas, where the covers for the Abir Ganguly books need to convey youth and playfulness, but they work well as a series.

The publisher’s design brief is below, under the fold. It is entirely written by the dudes at Hachette, which I find important to point out, because I would never have the audacity to praise my own book. (Also, the blurbs are obviously a temporary filler.)

Read more...

Posted at 5:23 PM by Amit Varma in Arts and entertainment | My Friend Sancho | Personal

Pope Endorses Gay Marriage

Well, ok, not quite. But he does praise Galileo, so there’s some progress.

(Link via email from Ambuj.)

Posted at 8:04 AM by Amit Varma in Science and Technology

A Medal For 26/11

The Times of India reports:

According to sources, there has been hectic lobbying over the past few weeks by some senior police officers keen to get a medal for 26/11. An additional commissioner of police attached to the Anti-Terrorism Squad and a zonal deputy police commissioner have managed to get recommendations for the President’s Police Medal for Gallantry (PPMG), the sources say.

The deputy commissioner has been claiming to be responsible for engaging the terrorists at The Taj till NSG commandos arrived. The additional commissioner, who claimed to be part of the team that was at The Oberoi, reportedly exchanged fire with the terrorists.

However, an IPS officer who fired at the terrorists has refused any award, saying that it was part of his duty and that his contribution didn’t deserve a gallantry medal.

The emphasis is mine—I like that last guy’s attitude. And really, instead of gallantry medals, wouldn’t those cops have been better served if they’d been given better training and better equipment to begin with?

While on the subject of equipment, check out this piece about “a group of young businessmen have raised Rs 30 lakh to buy 100 bulletproof vests that they plan to buy and donate to the Mumbai police.” They’ve applied to the home ministry for approval, as well as for an import duty waiver. (Why is there import duty on bullet-proof vests anyway? Hell, on anything?) And one of them has been quoted as saying:

We decided to procure the jackets ourselves since it would otherwise take the government a decade in procuring them.

Quite. But they have to get past the bullet-proof red tape first.

(Mid Day link via email from Sanjeev.)

Posted at 6:16 AM by Amit Varma in India | News | WTF

Nostalgia For The Bad Times

Bal Thackeray, it turns out, remembers the Emergency fondly—and wants another one.

This is the dude who once professed his admiration for Adolf Hitler (as did his nephew recently), so I’m not surprised.

And in more WTF news, Thackeray has written in an editorial in Saamna that Mohammad Ajmal Amir Kasab, the only 26/11 terrorist we managed to capture alive, should be “hanged to death hundred times.” Even I want Kasab to hang, after a trial and all that, but I’d be happy if it was done once. If the dude came back to life to be “hanged to death” again, rinse-and-repeat 99 times, I’d be somewhat perturbed.

Posted at 4:09 AM by Amit Varma in India | News | Politics | WTF

The Mosquito And The DNA Test

If the immensely thorough Martin Beck was still active today, I imagine he might well have been involved in cases like this one:

Police in Finland believe they have caught a car thief from a DNA sample taken from a mosquito they noticed inside an abandoned vehicle.

Finding the car in Seinaejoki, north of Helsinki, police saw that the mosquito had recently sucked blood and decided to send the insect for analysis.

The DNA found from laboratory tests matched a man on the police register.

They arrested the guy, who claimed that he was “just hitch-hiking a lift with a man.” Right.

If I was writing a book of fiction involving a case like this, I wouldn’t make it so easy. In my book, the cops would find the mosquito, do the DNA test, match it with a former criminal on their database—and then find that he died five years ago. So how did the mosquito drink his blood? That would be a nice mystery to solve.

Hell, too many ideas, too little time. And there’s also this blog to maintain…

(Link via email from Anand.)

Posted at 12:06 AM by Amit Varma in Arts and entertainment | News | Personal | Small thoughts

17 December, 2008

Escape With Manjula Padmanabhan

Manjula Padmanabhan does a reading of her novel, Escape, tomorrow at Crossword, and I will be in conversation with her at the event. She will read out a part of the book, after which we shall chat about the novel and her writing, followed by audience questions. If you are a fan of her work—and there is much to like --drop in tomorrow. The details:

Where: Crossword, Kemps Corner, Mumbai
When: 7pm, Thursday, December 18, 2008

*

Even if you can’t make it to the event, I recommend you pick up the book. It is set in a country of the future where all women have long been exterminated. The story stars a young girl named Meiji, who has been brought up in secret by three uncles, who run an enormous risk if they are discovered by the ruling generals. As Meiji approaches puberty, they keep her from adulthood by artificial means—but then realize that this is unfair to her, and she should be allowed to grow. Equally, her presence there is dangerous to both her and them. So they decide to let her blossom into a woman, and to send her away from this country, presumably to a place where women are natural. She is accompanied by her youngest uncle.

At one level, this is an adventure story of the journey these two make. At another, it is a coming-of-age story, as a young girl grows into adulthood without having the slightest clue of what it’s like to be to be a woman, both physically and emotionally. At the level I most enjoyed it, though, it is a love story, as her uncle, who hasn’t seen a woman for many years, tries to balance his desire for Meiji with his concern for her welfare.

I won’t give away any more—but be warned that if you start this book close to bedtime, you will be groggy in the morning, for it’s extremely hard to put down.

Also read: Jai Arjun Singh’s review of Escape, and his interview with Manjula; and Nilanjana S Roy’s article placing Escape in a literary historical perspective. There are many more useful links on Manjula’s blog.

Posted at 5:11 PM by Amit Varma in Arts and entertainment | Personal

Lalu Prasad Yadav For Defence Minister

After seeing the picture below, I have no doubt that he’s the man for the job:

(Picture by PTI.)

Posted at 1:46 AM by Amit Varma in India | Politics

16 December, 2008

Beauty And Terror

In a PTI report about a Pakistani beauty queen, Natasha Paracha, I find the WTF Q&A of the day:

Asked how she would tackle terrorism as Miss Pakistan, Paracha said, “As Miss Pakistan and as a young woman representing the nation and I can definitely think that I would like to promote the country and show that Pakistani women are strong and we can definitely do a lot to represent the nation a lot on the global sphere.”

Paracha’s answer may remind you of a certain Miss Teen South Carolina, but my heart goes out to the poor girl. What answer can you give to a question like that?

Update: Lekhni writes in to inform me that Ms Paracha was in the news recently for appearing on CNN to “condone" the Mumbai attacks.

Speaking of people being out of their depth, let me point you to this marvellous video that I presume someone made as an audition tape. Warning: Please do not try this at home.

(Video link via email from Lalbadshah.)

Posted at 7:08 PM by Amit Varma in News | WTF

Dhoni Not Allowed To Watch Dostana

So he tries his hand at shooting an AK-47 instead.

I wonder how Priyanka Chopra feels about this.

Posted at 7:03 PM by Amit Varma in Arts and entertainment | India | News

Grains, Grains Everywhere

This is quite the WTF headline of the day:

Govt may run out of space to store grains

I find it astonishing that no one questions the existence of the Food Corporation of India. If the free market was allowed to operate in agriculture, prices would be lower and distribution would be far more efficient, as supply would follow demand. We certainly wouldn’t have the perverse situation where lakhs of people are in danger of starving while government godowns overflow with grain. (Some of this grain, a friend informs me, may be as much as two decades old, which is beyond surreal.)

Imagine if there was a Soap Corporation of India, doing to soap what the FCI does to food. What a stink there would be.

(Link via email from Rajeev Mantri.)

Posted at 6:27 PM by Amit Varma in Economics | Freedom | India | News | Politics | WTF

Against All Odds

In an interview by Tasha Robinson, Danny Boyle is asked if it was difficult to get permissions while filming Slumdog Millionaire in India. Boyle replies:

There’s lots of things that can be solved with cash. [Snickers.] And there’s occasional things that can’t be solved with cash, which become a bureaucratic nightmare for some reason, and there’s no distinction between the two. There’s no way of reading a situation and saying, “Yes, that’ll be a bureaucratic nightmare, but that one we’ll be able to buy off.” It just depends on the day, apparently. The most extraordinary thing, you’d be given permission for, and then the weirdest, simplest things, you just wouldn’t be able to obtain permissions. And it would go on and on and on forever and ever, and there was no way to know. You have to kind of approach it with an open, quite optimistic mind, no matter what’s thrown at you, because it will only ever result in damaging the film if you let any kind of despondency get to you. You have to remain optimistic, and that’s clearly how people live their lives there. Against all the odds, they retain kind of a spirit which allows them to get through against insufferable odds. The poverty, the traffic, the lack of infrastructure, the flooding during the monsoons—there’s just so many things that are coming at you at the whole time that your spirit has to remain, and that’s certainly true.

“The poverty, the traffic, the lack of infrastructure, the flooding during the monsoons”—and the bureaucracy: Are the first four made worse by the fifth, you think? If we’re reconciled to that, are we not then automatically reconciled to the rest?

(Link via email from Arun Simha.)

Posted at 3:34 PM by Amit Varma in Arts and entertainment | Freedom | India | Small thoughts

A Call To Regulate God

Now, this is one kind of regulation I wholeheartedly agree with. After all, wasn’t it God who caused the financial crisis?

On a tangent, followers of my religion should take inspiration from this and make Flying Spaghetti Monster rangoli. Manish Vij, my man, are you listening?

(Links via emails from Gaspode and Anand respectively.)

Posted at 3:20 PM by Amit Varma in Miscellaneous

Zen And The Art Of Mumbai Maintenance

The comment of the day comes from a Dilip D’Souza post in which Dilip asks why people in India are angry about 26/11, but haven’t demonstrated the same outrage for 1984, 1992-3, 2002 etc—a worthy rhetorical question. Anyway, an (unfortunately) anonymous commenter writes:

Dilip, lets be honest. Nobody is angry. People are watching Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi in record numbers. Everybody’s planning for New Year party. Celebrations are on in full swing. Who is angry ? Of course if you purposely go to some angry gathering you will find some angry people, but that is a tautology. By & large, Mumbai carries on just the same.

Karachi trains a person to kill 17 Indians on average. Send 10 such persons, you get 11/26. What if they sent 100 such persons ? Then also nothing will happen. People will watch Chandni Chowk to China in record numbers and get on with life.

Your city is beyond anger, cynicism, disgust, beyond all human emotions. Mumbai has achieved what Buddhist monks call Zen. Nothing or nobody can make you angry. Say Karachi sends 1 lakh persons tomorrow on some Cruise ship to Mumbai. Each one takes on 17 Indians. 17 lakh Indians will be minus. The rest will watch Billo Barber.

I love the last line. I don’t actually agree with the comment—people in Mumbai are getting on with their lives because we have no choice, not because we feel no emotion—but that’s a minor quibble.

Posted at 3:04 PM by Amit Varma in India

15 December, 2008

The Unintended Consequences Of Traffic

I recently discovered something I hadn’t known about the 2005 terrorist attacks in Bangalore:

Intelligence agencies consider the attack on the Indian Institute of Science in Bengalaru on December 28, 2005, as one that went horribly wrong for the terrorists. An attack that could have ended with a very high body count went awry because a terrorist with a bagful of grenades was caught in one of Bangalore’s nightmarish traffic jams and could not make it to the venue on time.

The shooter, who was waiting at the IISc campus and who was supposed to open fire on the crowd after the planned grenade explosions, lost patience and started firing.

The terrorist trapped in traffic, later identified as Abu Hamza, swiftly escaped to Pakistan.

Just imagine if Hamza had been overcome by road rage. Dude in the car in front is slow to react to green light because he’s on the phone, because of that they both miss the signal, and Hamza has to wait another six minutes while the dude ahead keeps jabbering. And there are grenades…

(Link via email from Ambuj.)

Posted at 5:52 PM by Amit Varma in India | Miscellaneous | News

Mayawati Likes Enrique Iglesias

Just check out the Wallpaper section of the Bahujan Samaj Party website. Superb variety on offer.

They have wallpapers for Alien vs Predator, interestingly. I wonder if Behenji was thinking of Soniaji and Advaniji when she got that section added.

(Link via email from Archana Sinha.)

Posted at 5:39 PM by Amit Varma in India | Politics | WTF

14 December, 2008

Adultery And The Indian Penal Code

A couple of years ago, I’d blogged about the law that makes adultery a criminal offense in the Indian Penal Code:

497. Adultery

Whoever has sexual intercourse with a person who is and whom he knows or has reason to believe to be the wife of another man, without the consent or connivance of that man, such sexual intercourse not amounting to the offence of rape, is guilty of the offence of adultery, and shall be punished with imprisonment of either description for a term which may extend to five years, or with fine, or with both. In such case the wife shall be punishable as an abettor.

I had two issues with this. One, I found the wording of the law to be extremely offensive-- by invoking “the consent or connivance” of the husband, it implies that women are merely property of their spouses, not humans with autonomy and volition. Given that the IPC was framed by the British in Victorian times, it’s hardly surprising that the law is worded thus. By why does it still apply to us?

My second objection was that adultery should not be a criminal matter. Marriage is basically a contract between two people, and if that contract is breached, it should be a civil case, not a criminal one. (It’s a separate problem that two individuals cannot frame the terms of their own contract, and have to go by a standard template enforced on them, but leave that for now.) For cops to come and arrest one of the parties involved is ridiculous—especially when, according to the law above, it’s the outside dude, who is not even breaching anyone’s trust.

But that said, barring violence and suchlike, which is a separate criminal case, the police should not be involved at all. Well, guess what: our enlightened government is planning reform—but instead of scrapping the law, they are expanding its scope. The Times of India reports:

A woman who cheats on her husband may land in the dock if the Union home ministry has its way.

Despite vehement protests from the National Commission for Women (NCW) two years ago, the Centre is quietly going about seeking a response from each of the 30-odd state governments to the Mallimath committee’s recommendation that adulterous wives be penalised.

Double WTFness. First, WTFness at the law itself; and then, WTFness at our government planning to extend it to women instead of scrapping it entirely. The 21st century, did you say?

Previous posts on stupid IPC laws:

Don’t Insult Pasta (on 295-a)
The Matunga Racket (on 377)

Posted at 1:41 PM by Amit Varma in Freedom | India | News | WTF