WTF

Beware of the Tadpoles

There is nothing in Indian journalism that quite matches the entertainment of Dr Mahinder Watsa’s sex advice column in Mumbai Mirror. Check out this question and answer from today’s edition:

Q. What is meant by sperms and can it be dangerous to me in the future?

A. This is the mature germ cell, which are produced in the testes (the two spherical objects that hang in the bag scrotum) under the penis. The sperms are like tadpoles, which rapidly move and when ejaculated in the female vagina can fertilise the egg (ovum). So it can be dangerous in that it can lead to unwarranted pregnancy if you are not careful.

To change the subject, as this is a family blog, did you know that Serena Williams recently had a stocking malfunction?

Categories WTF

Dear Sitaram Yechuri

Dear Sitaram Yechuri

In an article today in the Hindustan Times, you state that those who “compare Nandigram with Gujarat are not only belittling the tragedy of the 2002 carnage but are, in fact, extending support to Modi and giving a degree of legitimacy to the communal carnage.”

I fail to see how you can come to this remarkable conclusion. It is like saying that those who compare Stalin’s murder of millions to Hitler’s murder of millions are “extending support” to Hitler and “giving a degree of legitimacy” to him.

It may be difficult for you to fathom, but it is possible to be against both Nandigram 2007 and Gujarat 2002. In both events, the state allowed the law-and-order machinery to stand by as their own goons took matters into their own hands. In both cases, people were raped and murdered. The details may differ, but there is no moral difference between what the governments of Buddhadeb Bhattacharjee and Narendra Modi did. Both deserve our highest contempt.

Equally, it is possible to feel contempt for both the Hindutva Right and the Communist Left. In different ways, both deny individual rights and freedoms. And contrary to what you would like us to believe, there is a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea.

In the rest of your piece, you take task with the BJP for being hypocrites when it comes to free speech. I agree with you there. But after your party’s hypocrisy on Nandigram, you can hardly claim the moral high ground.

Regards

Amit Varma

Happy Birthday Rakhi Sawant

WTF headline of the day:

Why was Rakhi sad on her b’day?

The answer, in her words:

I am not celebrating my birthday because I don’t want to. I was expecting some special treatment from Nach Baliye team but nothing happened, so I am very sad.

Well, since she was obviously expecting something special, maybe the Nach Baliye chaps thought they’ll surprise her.

(Link via email from Harish, who blogs on it here. More on Rakhi: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. And some posts on Bigg Boss: 1, 2, 3, 4.)

Scavenging Towards Nirvana

The WTF quote of the day comes from Narendra Modi:

Scavenging must have been a spiritual experience for the Valmiki caste. […]

At some point in time somebody must have got enlightenment in scavenging. They must have thought that it is their duty to work for the happiness of the entire society and the Gods.

Really, I don’t even know what to say about this man anymore. This is surreal. If Modi ever finds himself in a lunatic asylum, he’ll drive all his fellow inmates sane.

What’s that you said about parliament?

(Link via email from Gautam John.)

Dear VK Malhotra

Dear VK Malhotra

In your official capacity as deputy leader of the BJP in the Lok Sabha, and its parliamentary party spokesperson, you recently made a demand that Taslima Nasreen “be given full protection and citizenship.” You also said, “India believes in freedom of speech.”

I would like to applaud your sentiment. I have just one question for you: Does this mean you no longer have a problem with MF Hussain?

Regards

Amit Varma

*  *  *

Link via email from BV Harish Kumar.

Bush and Mush

The WTF quote of the day comes from that master of WTF quotes, George W Bush:

[Pervez Musharraf] has been a loyal ally in fighting terrorists. He has also advanced democracy in Pakistan. He has said he will take off his uniform. He has said there will be elections. Today he released prisoners. And so far I have found him to be a man of his word.

And in case the readers of this blog haven’t figured out, I’m Conan the Barbarian. Anybody seen my battleaxe?

Sachin Tendulkar is a Buffalo

In the WTF story of the day, Bejan Daruwala, speaking to Rajesh Pansare of DNA, suggests a cure for Sachin Tendulkar’s “nervous 90s”:

It’s well known amongst the astrology community that Sachin Tendulkar is a Taurus and that numbers 3, 6 and 9 apply to him.

But according to Chinese astrology, Tendulkar is also a Buffalo, a cousin of the bull — and these two systems combined make him a Double Bull.

The Bull is steadfast, a sign of strength and consistency. The weakness of Bulls and Buffalos is that they get into a rut and often cannot think out of the box, something which applies to Tendulkar. […]

Because he is a loving and faithful husband, to get out of his nervous 90s, I would suggest that Tendulkar follow four steps:

1. Sleep in the lap of his wife and tell her to love him sweetly and gently

2. Cook his own mutton cheese burgers and eat them

3. Have a terrific bath

4. Jump in his Ferrari and go for a drive

There is no indication on that page that this is a joke of some sort. It reads like a parody, but Daruwala always reads like a parody of himself. Anjali Tendulkar, of course, must be befuddled at what Sachin means when he asks her to love him “sweetly and gently.”

“What do you mean, sweetly and gently,” she could respond. “How else have I been loving you all these years? You can cook your own damn mutton burgers from now on. And take a bath, you’re stinking—now wonder Dada likes to run you out.”

(Link via email from reader Gokul. Earlier posts on superstitious nonsense: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23.)